F*ck off, I’m a hairy woman…

A 2007 hit(?) BBC Three series, and probably the name of my autobiography, if I were ever to write one.

Now I’m hairy, mainly for 2 reasons:
1) When you’ve been with your partner for 5+ years, the urge and need for hair removal tends to wane dramatically.
2) Because I have a condition called PCOS.

If you don’t know what PCOS is (and I certainly would not blame you if you don’t), PCOS stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. Basically, little gremlin cysts live on your ovaries and collectively decide to fuck shit up for you. If they weren’t content with wrecking your reproductive system by causing you pain and doing crazy shit like causing your periods to disappear or in my case, be constant (and wishing that you had shares in Always), it makes you prone to both depression and anxiety (#winning) and generally being a nuisance.

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PCOS ‘things’ that really get my goat:
1) When my mum mixes it up with those pretend police officers. (Mum, I love you but if you talk to me about PCSOs one more time, I’m gonna find out how much your life insurance is worth) 💀

2) Possibility of no preggo eggos. ‘Preggo eggo’ has come up in conversation recently and it’s become a phrase I’m fond of.

3) It’s hard(er) for me to lose weight. I was the target of teasing for years as a child/teen, even a PT teacher felt the need to remind me that there was ‘no such thing as being big boned’ and that I was just overweight.
I spent years telling myself there must be something wrong with me. Turns out there was, heh.

4) Razors are expensive and so are good tweezers. Thank you to society for antiquated and difficult to attain standards of beauty.

5) No one knows anything about it. GPs (plural), surgeons, nurses… They all tell me that I have it, but can they tell me why?! Can they fuck – for a condition which is thought to affect about 1 in 10 women, you’d have thought there’d be a bit more out there.

Good things about PCOS:
1) None. (Although the thought of PCOS thinning my hair out is almost inviting, my undercut is certainly for practicality and not aesthetic.)

You learn to live with it. I’m very lucky as my symptoms are not the worst they could be. Sometimes I have cramps that stop me from moving in certain ways, sometimes I find a few hairs in places that I wish there wasn’t. Sometimes I’m tired all the time.

Some women suffer from hair loss. Some women from oily skin and acne. Some women suffer all symptoms, one symptom or a combination. Those pesky lil gremlins also increase your risk of diabetes, sleep apnoea, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

As I’ve already mentioned, it contributes to poor mental health as well as being a big fat hindrance to your physical health. But we do what we do, and if I can share my experiences and have another woman be able to relate to me then PCOS almost becomes a good thing. Why don’t we talk about it?

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